According to Talia

What you need to know, straight from the source: Ms. Talia Page

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Mark your calendars...


Its almost TFF time! WOO HOO! The TRIBECCA FILM FESTIVAL (April 25-May 6) is probably the only time of year when my cinematic priorities trump (kinda) my music priorities. Actually, there are always great soundtracks to these indie films, so I am pretty faithful to my first love afterall!
Check out all the DEETS HERE. Also, I will be even more qualified as your TFF correspondent this year because I will actually be working the festival! Yep, you're right, I get to do all the cool stuff!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

New Feature!! Yay!

In my infinite wisdom, and with the goal of impressing upon the internet viewing public just a fraction of the craziness that comprises my mind, I've come up with a new feature here on According to Talia! You know me, I like to keep things interesting. I also like to share juicy little morsels of information with my readers- some useful, others entertaining, and some just downright nonsensical. I'll let you be the judge of which is which, but for now, I'll just introduce you to my newest recurring feature which I like to call "Just so you know...".

Similar to my other recurring feature,"What's with...", "Just so you know..." will give you a tiny glimpse at what is on my mind at any given moment. Basically, I'm gonna use a silly graphic to notify you of stuff I think you should know. Excited? You should be....here we go....



















1. The new LCD Soundsystem album, Sound of Silver is not only an amazing album, but its also ideal to listen to while running or working out. The mesmerizing beats distract you from the passage of time, while simultaneously entertaining and energizing you. You might even find yourself running faster while listening. For this reason, maybe you shouldn't listen to this album while driving. Consider yourself warned. Check my Upcoming for NY tour dates in the near future, and listen to the album streamed here.

2. It is completely unacceptable to fart in the common work-out area at the gym. For some reason gym farts smell far worse than your average run of the mill non-gym fart, and when people are busy working out, their heart rates are up, and the air that they desperately suck into their lungs is precious and savored. You ruin that with your foul smelling gaseous inconsiderateness. Do us all a favor and take a poop before you get there please.

3. I know that I have thick legs, and I do not take "thickness" as a compliment from strange men on street corners. Clearly if I am walking into Baskin Robbins on "Two-for-one Tuesday" I am fully aware of my thickness, and as a matter of fact, I rather enjoy it. Skinny bitches don't get to enjoy such treats in life, and this makes me sad for them (yes I know there are women who can actually eat whatever they want and still remain skinny but I choose to pretend they don't exist. It helps me to sleep at night.) Keep your comments to yourself. I don't know you, your efforts will not result in any positive reaction from me, and for the record, I think that wearing a hat, t-shirt, and sneakers that are all the exact same shade of mustard yellow is tacky. Sorry.

Call me crazy but....


I'm pretty sure I've gotten a subtle yet obvious (at least in my opinion) shout out in this week's issue of Rolling Stone! The issue features an article on this month's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction, which starts on page 11 of the mag. The following quote (referencing ME) appears in the last paragraph of the article on page 12:
"The throng of stars made its way to the afterparty at the Waldorf's Marco Polo Lounge, where Vedder graciously posed for photos with fans."
Uhh, as far as I can recall, and I was there ALL FREAKIN NIGHT, there were no other fan photos taken that night. Unless of course they are referring to photos which may have been taken inside the party, but I'm pretty sure they're not. Aside from the fact that I had a couple thousand hits on my blog the day after the induction, featuring my photo with Eddie, coupled with the fact that I am a self admitted raging ego-maniac, I'm going to go ahead and confirm this article as a direct Talia reference in none other than ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE! (I know I may very well be delusional, but let me have it. It works for me.)

Yay!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

MANtyhose!

Ok, so do you recall my recent rant about pantyhose? Well the gist of it was that they suck, and I wish that men had to suffer a similar fate to promote fairness among the sexes. According to Trendhunter Magazine, it would appear that my wish has been granted, and a Fench company has introduced a line of pantyhose for men! Behold what I have cleverly dubbed MANtyhose!
"Gerbe, which is based in eastern France, said this week that the country’s first hosiery line for men would go on sale in March “due to increasing demand from male clients.“ The pantyhose comes with a larger belt than for women as well as an opening, with “Men opaque“, “sheer” or “satin” available in four models of tights, with and without feet, and three models of feel-good knee-high hosiery made to help drain toxins and massage tired limbs."
I guess the powers that be have decided to add "the granting of ridiculous wishes" to my absurd luck. Hmmm, what shall I wish for next? Remember, it only works if my wish is absolutely ridiculous and doesn't actually benefit me in any way. As you recall, my luck is only strong when followed closely by the occurrance of something stupid.
With that criteria in mind, I wish for a model of the Eiffel Tower built entirely out of Belgian waffles (I must credit Weird Al for that idea).
Any requests for fulfillment of ridiculous wishes?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Kids say the darndest things!

I'll bet its difficult for parents not to laugh when their kids say hilarious yet inappropriate things! For example, this adorable little girl, when asked by her mother to comment on the concept of monsters coming into their home, responded very rationally! How do you scold that cutesie little face?

Friday, March 23, 2007

LUCK Reigns Over Me


Last week the 10C (Pearl Jam fan club) offered free passes to see a screening the new movie Reign Over Me, starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle, to the first 50 people to respond in a few select cities across the U.S. (this makes sense, at least somewhat, because Pearl Jam covered The Who's Love Reign Over Me, for the movie soundtrack, which played during the CLOSING credits.) Of course, NYC was one of those cities, and of course, I entered the contest. Luckily I was selected, and was told to show up at the AMC Theater at Lincoln Square last night for the 7:00 show. I was advised to show up early because seating would be limited and there were no guarantees. Well, coming all the way from Bay Ridge, I peaced out around 5:30, hopped on the train, and went with hope, uptown to meet Jed for the movie (he was my plus one, duh).

So I get there around 6:30, just minutes before Jed, and find a line of hopefuls wrapped around the movie theater. I didn't think I had much of a chance on getting in, but I took my place at the back of the line and waited. The line crept slowly- they were letting people enter in small groups, and just as we were approacing the front, a girl with a clipboard and walkie talkie shouted to the remaining line that the theater was nearly full and only a few more people would be allowed in. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 people in front of us got to go in. "Whelp, thats it! I'm sorry", said clip board girl to ME. "If you write down your name and contact info, we'll send you passes for some screening in the future."
"That's cool", I thought, "no biggie, and at least I can go to the gym tonight instead of ingesting an artery clogging bag of popcorn." I wrote down my name and address on a piece of paper, and was about to hand it to clip board girl, when two ladies walked out of the theater door, with tickets in hand, stating that they had changed their minds about seeing the movie! WTF?! Who does that? Oh well....1, 2 more were let in, and Jed and I were in there like swimwear!

Does anyone still doubt my crazy luck?? Pssshaw!
Now for my review of Reign Over Me, which was released in select theaters yesterday:

The idea behind the story was a solid one: Charlie (Adam Sandler) loses his wife and 3 daughters in the 9-11 attacks on the World Trade Center, and subsequently loses his mind a bit. He claims he can't remember anything about his life before that day, and goes on to live a recusive minimalist lifestyle in New York City.
Enter Alan (Don Cheadle), who was Charlie's college roomate, and hasn't seen him since the accident. They run into each other on the street, and the two try to re-kindle a new spin on their old friendship- Alan looking for an escape from an over bearing wife, and Charlie, just looking for a friend who won't ask about the accident.
The plot wasn't as finely tuned as I would have preferred and the character development, aside from Sandler's Charlie, left much to be desired. However, I felt that the basis for the plotline was solid and Adam Sandler's superior acting carried the film into my good graces. Many will say Adam was playing the same old screaming retarded guy role, but I beg to differ. This role was made for him, because he was able to very accurately evoke the emotions of a man who had his heart obliterated, and was trying to find a way in which to live his life with minimal pain. The scene where Charlie breaks down and finally acknowledges his loss is phenomenal, and if it doesn't bring tears to your eyes, you should check your pulse!
The movie is littered with a bit of toilet humor and some gay jokes, but its all lighthearted and non-offensive, at least according to my standards (and if you didn't care about my standards you wouldn't be reading According to Talia anyway, fool!). The soundtrack (other than Pearl Jam) was really great, featuring the original Who version of Love Reign Over Me, and Bruce Springsteen's The River. There were also a few good songs that I didn't recognize. Also in the film are Liv Tyler, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Donald Sutherland.
Overall I thought it was a good movie. Since Im a cheap-ass, I probably wouldn't pay to see it in the theater, but last night it was FREE, and we've already established that I like FREE STUFF. I would recommend catching it on DVD, On Demand, or whatever you crazy kids do these days to see movies.
Have a good weekend :)

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Yoshimi on Broadway?


Rumors are flying that the awesome 2002 Flaming Lips Album, titled Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, will be made into- get this- a Broadway Musical!

How awesome would that be? I absolutely love that album, and to get a live visual representation of that psychedelic dreamy music would be like getting an extra can of whipped cream to go with your hot chocolate! I hope it's true....they can count on me to buy tickets!

FREE Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee Today!!


Do you think that you should be entitled to FREE stuff all the time like I do? Well, it turns out today you are! The gods behind Dunkin Donuts have designated TODAY, March 21, 2007, FREE ICED COFFEE Day!
Its true! My secretary got me one this morning, BUT due to my incredible ironic pairing of bad luck with good luck, she dropped it in the bank on the way into the office! :(

Tell a friend! Lets take advantage of this FREE STUFF offer! :)

Monday, March 19, 2007

Talia's Song Pick-o-the-week


I've been listening to Amy Winehouse's new album, Back to Black, all morning, and I have to say this woman has a set of pipes that could rival the seasoned soulful blues singers of the 1950s and 60s (especially on Me & Mr. Jones)! Although Amy is only 23 years old, her vocals tell the woeful tales of a soul thats lived multiple lives. It sounds disgusting, but to me, she even makes being an alcoholic look cool! Don't get me wrong, I totally understand that alcoholism is a disease, and I do not mean to make light of it, but Amy Winehouse is a drinker and she will not let anyone tell her how to live her life- I admire that. In fact, when her management tried to tell her she needed to go to rehab, she threw up her middle finger, put her pen to paper, and dropped a hell of an album with Back to Black (a follow up to 2003's Frank), which earned her a Brit award for Best Female Solo Artist in 2006. On songs like, Rehab, Addicted, and You Know I'm No Good, Amy belts out deep, throaty, vocals, which, no doubt have been prematurely aged by her vices, but delivers a powerful sound and message that does not match her pretty face.

I have listened to my song pick of the week no less than 10 times today alone, and I highly recommend picking up the album. Everything about her is hot!

You Know I'm No Good
By: Amy Winehouse
Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard,
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,
You say "What did you do with him today?"
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray,
'Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your Stella and fly,
By the time I'm out the door,
You tear men down like Roger Moore
I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy,
he's in a place but I can't get joy
Thinking on you in the final throws,
This is when my buzzer goes
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,
You say "when we married,"
Cause you're not bitter,
"There'll be none of him no more"
I cried for you on the kitchen floor
I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
Sweet reunion Jamaica and Spain,
We're like how we were again,
I'm in the tub, you on the seat,
Lick your lips as a I soak my feet
Then you notice little carpet burns,
My stomach drops and my guts churn,
You shrug and it's the worst,
Who truly stuck the knife in first
I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Friday, March 16, 2007

Eddie Vedder's Induction of REM into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame


In case you missed it, or just want to watch Eddie's intelligent, heart-felt, poignant induction speech from Monday again, you can view it all on YouTube. I was planning on linking it all here, but THIS GUY has already done it for me!
What I DO have for you is Man on the Moon with Eddie Vedder. Have a listen, it's really amazing.

Well that's a novel idea...

Don't like the laws of our country? Well, move! Don't like International law? Then...uh...buy your own island and make up a country?

The owners of The Pirate Bay, an internationally popular Swedish file-sharing website have decided that they will simply buy an island located in neutral international waters from which to operate their copyright infringing site. That way, they reason, international law designed to protect copyright and intellectual property rights will simply not apply! Hmmm....

Somehow I don't think they'll get away with this scam, but nonetheless, they have begun raising money to fund their purchase, and have focused their sights, specifically, on the principality of Sealand, a former WWII battle station located in international waters off the coast of England. Apparently the current owner of Sealand, which was declared its own independent country in 1967, isn't too keen on the web owners' intent to circumvent the law, and has stated he won't sell to them. Reports indicate, however, that they've got a few islands in mind, in case the Sealand deal doesn't pan out. Uh, good luck with that.

Read more about The Pirate Bay here.

I've got to give them credit for being creative in coming up with a solution to their copyright issues......and by creative I mean completely off their rockers. I wasn't even aware that one could do such a thing as establishing their very own COUNTRY with as little as $50,000- $10 million!

Why stop at no copyrights? Why not declare pants illegal, and make it a felony to eat anything but chocolate cake on Sundays? Hey, I kinda like this game....let me think of a few more laws for the country I'm going to make with my first million:
1. The National color is purple. If you don't wear purple, I, as president/Queen am justified in punching you and thereby giving you something purple to wear.

2. Walking slowly on any public sidewalk on any weekday between the hours of 11:30 AM and 2:00 PM is illegal. Violators will be pushed to the side and forced to stay there until I say so. If you are disabled, I am very sorry for you, but there are plenty of rural places for you to walk or scoot or whatever during these hours. I have no tolerance for moseying no matter what your excuse! If you have no place to be at noon on a Tuesday then I am very happy for you, but I have responsibilities, and your slow movement bothers me.

3. Golden Retrievers are sacred. Worship them and treat them as your superiors. They are smarter than you, but not me.

4. All radio stations must play 3 pearl jam songs every hour. Country music is banned. Don't even try it.

5. Fat is skinny and skinny is fat. We now make fun of tall beautiful thin women. Clearly they are not abiding by the Chocolate Cake law. Chubby girls are given all the best movie roles.

What kind of laws would you enact?



Thursday, March 15, 2007

I should be in PR....really!

PopSugar gives Eddie Vedder a shout out...and me too! :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Night I Met Eddie Vedder at the Waldorf Astoria















Ok, without further adieu, here is the best story in the universe!

So, yesterday, I knew full well that Eddie was going to be inducting REM into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Live on VH1 and AOL. However, I ASS-umed that it was going to take place AT the ACTUAL Hall of Fame in Cleveland Ohio! I didn’t know they did the ceremonies elsewhere- I really had no idea. So I went about my business as usual, came home from work, went to the gym, and made dinner. At around 9:00, I texted my friend, NixonInDetroit, and he replied “Why aren’t you at the Waldorf Hotel?” And I wrote back “What? Eddie is in Ohio at the Hall of Fame!” He then informed me that the inductions were held at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, in NYC….just a hop skip and a jump from my Brooklyn apartment! At that moment IT WAS ON!

I immediately raced into action, calling friends to first scold them for not informing me that Eddie was in my back yard then to invite them to come with me on the adventure of a lifetime. You see, I have a knack for getting into the right place at the right time. Call it luck, call it skill, either way, I find an in somehow. So I took a fast shower (remember I had just gotten back from the gym), got dressed, and left the house in jeans, an “I heart Eddie Vedder” t-shirt (for attention of course), and wet hair!

I stopped to pick up my friend Nick from work, and we were off! We arrived at the Waldorf Hotel, just before Grand Master Flash started to perform. It was the most low-key event I have ever tried to sneak into! There was no line up of people outside, no group huddled around the security- just a few people hanging out in the lobby, but not many at all! We walked into the lobby with no problem, and stood outside the room where the event was being held. No one said a word to us…we got a drink from the lobby bar, and just hung out thinking of a plan. Everyone noticed my shirt and commented- success!

Eventually, a man walked out of the press room and commented on my shirt (mmm hmmm), he said that he had flown to NYC from California because he’s an extreme Van Halen fan, and he had gotten his press pass from someone who wasn’t using it anymore. Because he had already been present for the Van Halen interviews, and clearly I was there for Eddie Vedder, he gave me the pass- OFFERED it to me, without me asking for it! See, this stuff just happens to me, its fate.

So, I went into the press room, which is completely separate from the room where the actual event is taking place. It’s a ton of press people and cameras sitting around an empty stage watching the event on TV. At least I was one step closer. After each act performed, they came out with their award for interviews, so I got to see REM come out and talk with the press, posing for photos, etc. I waited patiently, but sadly, no Eddie. After REM, everyone started packing up and leaving, and we were told no one else was coming back out for interviews. I left the press room.

I went back out into the hotel lobby and loitered a bit more. Walking through the hallway, I saw Paul Schaffer from The Late Show with David Letterman and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. I noticed that there was an after party at the other end of the hotel that they were all going to. Nick and I grabbed drinks and went to that side. To my dismay, I was informed that I had just missed Eddie entering the party. People showed me their autographs and photos….I nearly cried.

The silly part is that we just walked right past the first set of security guys straight to the door where the party was. All the other clowns stayed in the hotel hallway, far from the sight of the people going in and out. For some reason, security didn’t object to Nick and I, and one random older guy standing by the door to the party ALL NIGHT. We camped out and everyone that either entered or exited from that point forward had to walk past us. We saw Keith Richards, Slash, Andy Samberg, Seth Myers, and Fred Armisen, from SNL and many more.

Eventually, everyone started to file out and call it a night, but Eddie was nowhere. Good thing I had my t-shirt on though, because as everyone exited and read my shirt, they were sure to let me know my love was still inside. Even Jill (the wife) walked past me, smiled, and commented on my t-shirt to the body guard she was with! At one point one of the security guards, who had come to know me by this point, said he would go inside and see if Eddie would sign an autograph for me (actually that was not what I was waiting for, but whatever). He came back out a few minutes later and told me that I might as well go home because Eddie wouldn’t be “signing” anything. The man he was with, I was told, didn’t want Eddie interacting with anyone or causing a commotion. My heart sank, the tears welled up, and I stood there in disbelief. I didn’t leave, though, and thank God, because I was about to meet my guardian angel.

The tallest security guard, presumably the one in charge, came over to me discreetly and whispered into my ear that I should go up the staircase behind me quietly and just wait. He said that Eddie wasn’t going to walk through the hallway like everyone else, and that he would bring Eddie to meet me if I went up there and waited! I WENT! I waited about another hour in this empty room between two sets of stairs- pacing, doubting my security friend’s intentions. Did he lead me up there just to get me out of the way so Eddie could pass unmolested? I was just about to start crying when the security man lead Kid Rock up the stairs and out into the upper part of the hotel. “Hi, how are you?”, I said to Kid Rock. “I’m good how are you?”, he said back.

The security man came back and told me to hold my horses, and compose myself because Eddie would be coming up shortly, and that the man he was with wasn’t very cool, so I had to be sure not to piss him off. I breathed and wiped the sweat off my shaking hand. A few moments later, he lead Eddie up the stairs with a grey haired man I had never seen. It was me, Eddie, the grey haired man, the security man, and my friend Nick. I greeted him at the top of the stairs with the biggest smile my face will allow! I reached out my hand for him to shake and said “Hi, Eddie, I’m Talia. Nice to meet you.” He was very cute and polite and smiled back, shaking my hand and saying “Nice to meet you too.” I then asked if I could get a quick photo, and explained it would mean the world to me since I have been a fan for over 14 years. He did not hesitate to say yes, and the grey haired man grabbed my camera and said “just a quick one” (what like photos take a long time, sheesh!). We smiled “CHEESE!” and SNAP! It was done. Ed gave me a quick hug as I thanked him profusely. As he began to walk away, I asked “Will I see you at Lollapalooza?” He turned back toward me, smiled, and pointed saying in a cutesy way “I think so!” I told him to have a good night, and he told me the same, waving with that brilliant smile of his. And then I floated off to heaven on cloud #9.

THE END!












Monday, March 12, 2007

Antony and the Johnsons at BAM

Last Friday I had the pleasure of accompanying my cousin to a show at BAM (The Brooklyn Academy of Music) for a performance of Antony and the Johnsons with the Brooklyn Phil Harmonic Orchestra. This performance was like none I had ever seen- in a good way! Antony and the Johnsons is a group led by singer/ pianist Antony Hegarty, who is an inter sex individual originally from West Sussex, England. The Johnsons are a string section that play background to Antony's eclectic, almost ethereal vocals. His voice has been compared to Aaron Nevile and Nina Simone, but it is difficult to compare him to anything. Antony has sung backup for Lou Reed's album Berlin, and has had fellow musicians Boy George and Rufus Wainright perform on his albums.

For Friday's performance, which was a slight hour and fifteen minutes long, the beautiful orchestra music behind Antony's unique mesmerizing vocals, were combined with lyrics that told sad stories of life as a person struggling with gender. For me the "classical" music paired with a theme which represented very modern struggle was fascinating. The surprise, and perhaps the highlight for many of the audience members including myself was a very interesting cover of "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce. Imagine a chamber-pop version of that song accompanied by a full classical orchestra! It was fantastic. Especially the lyric "got me hoping you'll page me right now". Genius. Anyway, I could attempt to explain this show for hours and never do it justice, so I've included some YouTube videos (not from Friday) below for your listening enjoyment.

This video, for the song "Mysteries of Love", appears to be a fan video, and doesn't actually show Antony and the Johnsons at all, but I think its a really beautiful song, so I wanted to share it.

















This next video is a clip from 2005 when Antony and the Johnsons appeared on David Letterman performing "You are my Sister" to promote their album, I am a Bird Now, which earned them Britain's Mercury Music Prize for best album of 2005.

Friday, March 09, 2007

I am a lucky SOB! Lollapalooza here I come!

“An old man turned 98. He won the lottery and died the next day.”

This most certainly is the story of my life. I have superficial luck like you wouldn’t believe. I have won more random contests in my life than any one person who has walked the planet. Granted, I participate in contests more than others, but truly my luck for that type of thing is uncanny. But at the same time, I also have the parallel streak of bad luck that follows. For example, I get a great job offer 1 week after I sign a contract to work another year at a not-so-great job. Or, I’ll win $50 on a scratch-off lotto ticket on the same day that I spill a glass of water on my laptop sending it to the VAIO graveyard. I take the good with the bad, I guess, but yesterday was definitely one of those good moments….

The line-up for Lollapalooza 2007 has not yet been announced, but if you’ve read my blog or the internet at all, you know that Pearl Jam is rumored by the Chicago Sun Times and Billboard to be slated for the headlining spot this year. This is just the icing on the cake for me, because I had planned on going to Lollapalooza with or without Pearl Jam. So, yesterday, around 11AM, I got an email which was sent to those on the Lollapalooza mailing list, that included a secret link where roughly 1500 lucky people could purchase advance 3-day passes to Lollapalooza 2007 for a measly $60, FREE of any shipping or processing charges! (last year I paid about $200 for mine) Obviously, I clicked the link immediately and was redirected to a holding queue set up for the inevitable overflow of web traffic. The page instructed hopefuls to hold tight, DO NOT refresh the page, and wait to be redirected to a site where they could purchase these coveted special tickets. So, I waited….and waited….and waited…..

Meanwhile I was checking in on the Pearl Jam message board to gauge the progress of my fellow ticket wanting fans, who were also waiting….and waiting….and a few of them actually getting through and successfully purchasing Lolla tickets.

After about 35 minutes or so I actually made it to the purchase screen where I placed 2 tickets into my cart and proceeded to the checkout page….but every time I got to the checkout page, there was an error of some sort. A few times it said there were no tickets left. Anther time it said I had been logged out. I kept trying…..to no avail. I took a break and had lunch.

About 20 min later, I came back and tried some more. Around 2:00 I was made aware by my amazing buddies on the message board that there was a phone number to the ticket vendor that I could utilize for this ticket giveaway. At this point I was in a very convoluted position, simultaneously pointing my cell phone toward the back window of my office where I get service, (dial…busy signal…hang up, redial, repeat…) stretching my other arm to my mouse, where I could read the message board for updates and keep refreshing the online ticket sale page….AND trying to keep up the appearance that I was doing my job. It was exciting! Eventually, the website shut down, and posted a “Sorry, sold out” type message. However, we (my message board pals and I) decided not to give up on the phone option because people were still getting through and successfully buying tickets over the phone.

I did, however, have to leave my office to continue on because there was a real estate closing in the next office and there was a lot of foot traffic going through my office to the copy machine in the hall, and I was on a serious mission, so my “still working” guise had been abandoned. So I went up to the front office to get reception….within 15 minutes I got through to the ticket vendor’s call line, where I was put on hold…..for another 15-20 minutes. FINALLY at 5:00PM, I was connected to a customer service representative. (at least 2 hours from the “sold out” message being posted online) :
ME: “Uhhh, do you have any Lollapalooza tickets left?”
HIM: “Actually there are only two left.”
ME: (shouting) “Are you serious!?”
HIM: (calmly) “Yes.”
ME: (still shouting) “Oh my God, no WAY!” “Are you just saying this to make me excited or am I really about to purchase the LAST TWO TICKETS?!”
HIM: (annoyed) “No, these really are the last two.”
ME: (Fist-pumping from a standing position, and still shouting) “I’ll take them!”

So you see, my friends, perseverance pays off! I am a living example. Now, as I indicated in the beginning of this post, my good luck is usually followed by some snafu of sorts, so I am now awaiting the inevitable awkward slip and fall, or humiliating rip in my pants. However, I am still so excited over yesterday’s activities that I could care less. Bring it on!

See you at Lollapalooza 2007! :)

Thursday, March 08, 2007

PJ on Idol

I am not sure who, among you, will admit to actually watching American Idol, but I have no more pride left, and I certainly know an entertaining show when I see one. The "entertaining" part isn't the singing, however. For me its usually fun just to watch the contestants humiliate themselves and get torn apart by the judges. So this week, I missed most of the episode where the male contestants performed, and I only caught the end-of-show recap where they play a few seconds of each guy's song. Well, to my complete surprise, I noticed that one of the contestants by the name of Sundance Head sang Jeremy, by Pearl Jam!


First thing's first: Lets talk about the man's name for a moment, shall we? "Sundance Head." There are so many fun possibilities with a last name like Head. For instance, I'll go ahead and state the obvious choice: Richard Head (Dick Head for short). There's also some absurd, but funny, options such as Dootie Head, Shit Head, Air Head. The creativity comes in when you can call a kid something relatively normal, but spin it into a nickname that, when combined with Head, incites giggles. I'll let you use your imaginations here....this is not the crux of my post today anyway....


Next, let us please address the fact that this man, this amateur, has chosen to sing a song by THE BAND which I consider the best band in history. I have to admit that I give the guy a smidgen of credit for at least having good taste in music, having chosen a Pearl Jam song. I then give the man another, slightly larger, smidgen of credit for having the balls to attempt to sing, in front of America, a song which is only appropriate when performed by Eddie Vedder- the man with the most beautiful voice in the world. Now, let me get to the criticism: WTF!? Jeremy is not a country rock song. Jeremy is NOT ALLOWED to be publicly performed by anyone other than Ed, Stone, Jeff, Mike, and Matt (does Boom have a part?) There is, of course, a carve out for people that 1. Have Ed's explicit blessing, and are, perhaps, singing it with him on stage at a Pearl Jam show, OR 2. Are singing karaoke in a PRIVATE room or dwelling among close friends. I, myself, sing Pearl Jam all the time at karaoke, and I encourage my friends to do the same. (At this point, I do not choose to address the cover/tribute band situation, which I feel can be acceptable if the singer is really good- I know a few, and they are exempt from my tirade).


So this Sundance fella does a terrible rendition of Jeremy, butchers lyrics (You cannot take the F-bomb out, it makes no sense), and basically makes himself look like a dirty pirate hooker on stage in front of millions. I now hate his guts. Sorry dude, don't test me when it comes to PJ!


I do not wish to comment on the Judges' reaction to Dootie Head's performance. Their opinions mean nothing to me.


Because I feel badly for now ripping Mr. Head a new a-hole on my blog, I'll give him another tiny props by publishing a link to his performance. Everyone is, after all, entitled to their own opinion. See for yourself what you think.....WARNING, your ears may shrivel up and fall off, so don't say I didn't warn you!


LONG LIVE PEARL JAM!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Hey Sexy Guy

Funny story...I know you're thinking "Funny? psssh, not Talia! She always disappoints us!" Well, bite your tongue and listen to this completely true, not made-up story:

I have adjoining offices with the other attorney in the building. (For the record, he is a very professional, respectable, older gentleman and family man- you'll see in a minute why I've given you this disclaimer) Both of us do not think twice before opening the other's door, without warning, to go in, to shout something, or for any reason whatsoever. There's really no privacy in this place- but its no big deal. Anyway, so today I, like I usually do, opened the door to his office to have him sign something, and as he often is, he was in the process of dialing a call on speaker phone. I could see the paper that he was getting the phone number from, and it was some sort of financial statement. Well, I must have distracted him with my entry because CLEARLY he dialed a wrong digit at some point and after 2 rings, a pre-recorded breathy female voice came on the line and started a sentence that began with:
"Hey sexy guy, thanks for calling..."!

Well, he hung up in a hurry but not before turing bright red from embarassment, and the two of us bursted into laughter! He had, inadvertantly dialed a phone sex line- I know, lucky coincidence, but seriously, it was totally a fluke and totally hilarious!

Now, when I walk into his office I say "Hey sex guy....do you have the Smith file?"

Monday, March 05, 2007

12 more days till St. Patrick's Day!!

If you havn't noticed yet, this year, St. Patrick's Day falls on a SATURDAY! That is very exciting for those of us who love the color green, and love celebrating that glorious day of the year where the beer flows like water, and not only the Irish are lucky! To get you pumped, I've posted some photos from this past weekend's Hoboken St. Patrick's day celebration. Hoboken always celebrates a few weekends early, to give everyone a chance to get all dressed in green TWICE a year! Since March 17 is likely to end up a slop fest for many of us, I highly recommend starting with some substantial breakfast in your tummy, and pacing yourself. I did not take my own advice on Saturday, and Im still sorta paying for it. (John: My mother thanks you for being a gentleman and escorting me home!)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Edward Scissorhands at BAM!






"Not a word is spoken, but the story of the strangely endearing misfit…is as clear, offbeat and enchanting onstage as in the beloved Tim Burton film on which it’s based."—SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE"...

[Matthew] Bourne has fashioned a tender, dark, and funny dance play about the ultimate outcast. 4 stars!"—THE TIMES (UK)

"An unforgettable production that will melt the steeliest of hearts, and strike a chord with anyone who ever felt just that little bit different. Pure perfection."—EVENING TIMES (GLASGLOW)

I just got tickets to what looks like an AMAZING stage adaptation of Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands, which is playing at BAM (The Brooklyn Academy of Music) From March 14-31. The show is directed by Matthew Bourne, and is based on the themes and score of the original motion picture. I studied this movie in my college film class, and have had a deep appreciation for the themes, and the general mysticism of the characters and story ever since!

To watch a video clip of the show on BAM's website, which just might give you goosebumps CLICK HERE!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Throw your set in the air...

And wave em around like you just don't care!



This public service announcement, sponsored by everyman, aimed to raise awareness about testicular cancer, makes me pretty disgusted with ball sacks in general. If anything, people who see this video will not want to ever think about a ball sack EVER again, EVER! Watch and see for yourself. Who was the person sitting behind a huge mahogany desk going "Yes, brilliant! America needs more giant scrotums in their faces!"???

Eeeeeewww!

From the Rumor Pit...

please oh please oh PLEEEEEASE let this one be true!!
This article from today's Chicago Sun Times is circulating the message boards....
Pearl Jam to reign o'er Lollapalooza
March 1, 2007
BY JIM DeROGATIS Pop Music Critic The major headliner for year three of the retooled Lollapalooza concert will be none other than the band that became the breakout superstar of the old Lollapalooza back in 1992: Seattle's godfathers of grunge, Pearl Jam.
The three-day concert will take place in Grant Park from Aug. 3-5, and Lollapalooza promoters don't plan on announcing the 130-band lineup or putting tickets on sale for several weeks, until late March or early April. They declined to comment on any of the acts Wednesday.
Nevertheless, three concert industry sources confirmed that fans may expect Evanston native Eddie Vedder and his band to perform on Chicago's lakefront as part of a U.S. tour that will follow a European jaunt that has already been announced in June, and which includes several major music festivals.
Pearl Jam's last self-titled album was released in May 2006. Its most recent recording is a cover of "Love Reign O'er Me" by Vedder's heroes the Who, which will appear on the soundtrack of "Reign Over Me," the forthcoming film directed by Mike Binder and starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle.
jimdero@jimdero.com

What's with pantyhose?



How come there is no equivalent torture device that is a generally accepted daily staple of men's business attire? Ok, I understand that men don't usually (and I use "usually" very loosely) wear skirts, but why? Is it because of the penis? If so, I feel like we, as a society, should get over it, if only for the mere fact that MEN, like WOMEN, should have to subject themselves to the uncomfortable stuffed sausage feeling of pantyhoes on a regular basis! Afterall, how many men would really run into a decency issue with regard to their member actually hanging BELOW the hemline of a work-length skirt, even if they DID go commando?? My guess is NONE.
I wage this war on fashion norms because yesterday, I had to wear a suit to work (ick I hate dressing "professionally") and since it was a skirt suit, and it is winter, and I consider myself (at least sometimes) to be a classy dame, I wore pantyhose. After much bending, stretching, and essential squatting maneuvers, I pulled the circulation preventing article over my curvy physique. I'll admit, my legs looked quite shapely in the stockings (although I felt much like a stuffed sausage ready to burst from my casing with even the slightest poke) BUT, the top of the hosiery ALWAYS causes a problem for me! One option is to pull the waist band up OVER my tummy blubber, which initially seems like a good idea because, from a standing position, I appear rather svelte. However, the first time I bend even slightly or exhale, the stockings ROLL down below my tummy, creating a tube like apparatus of rolled nylon material around my midsection which is both uncomfortable and unsightly. Not to mention the "muffin top" that is then allowed to spill over the waist band. Double yuck! If I, in the alternative, position the waistband low and tight about my hips (yes, I stole that language from the flight attendant shpiel) I begin to ROLL down...my midsection then resembles a droopy, saggy, and depressing Salvatore Dali painting, and again, looks like crappola!
To survive the day, I chose to hike the stockings up as high as I could, forcing myself to take the shallowest of breaths all day long and sit completely upright for 12 hours as if I had a puppeteer's forearm in my ass so as to avoid the above mentioned tube of nylon which would inevitably roll downward if I should falter. Needless to say, I will not be accepting any job position in the future which would require me to carry on this absurdity on a daily basis. I would rather be a garbage collector. Thanks for listening...