According to Talia

What you need to know, straight from the source: Ms. Talia Page

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Rejuveniles

This morning after I hit snooze 6 times, cursed the world for making me open my eyes before noon, slipped on my fuzzy slippers, and trapsed through my apartment in my outerspace pajamas in attempt to get ready for work, I overheard a story on The Today Show about this book called Rejuvenile, by Christopher Noxon:

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Once upon a time, boys and girls grew up and set aside childish things. Or so the story goes. Nowadays, moms and dads skateboard and download pop-song ringtones. Captains of industry pose for the cover of Business Week holding Super Soakers. The average age of video game players is twenty-nine and rising. Disney World is the world’s top adult vacation destination (that’s adults without kids).
It’s hard to imagine adults in previous eras so unashamedly indulging their inner children. But these are not the adults of twenty years ago. They constitute a new breed of adult, identified by a commitment to remain playful, energetic and fun in the face of adult responsibilities. Whether buying cars marketed to consumers half their age, dressing in baby-doll fashions or bonding over games like Twister or stick ball, this new band of grownups refuses to give up childish things they never stopped loving, or else revels in things they were denied or never got around to as children. Most have busy lives and adult responsibilities. Many have children of their own. They are not stunted adolescents. They are something new: rejuveniles.


As the author described these "adults" who act like children, I had two initial thoughts:
1. "THIS IS ME", and
2. "OH SHIT, IM AN 'ADULT'; WHEN THE F DID THAT HAPPEN?"

I've always referred to my own personal condition as Peter Pan Syndrome...I even carried a tiny plastic Peter Pan figurine around in my bag for years (I still have him, but he lives in my desk drawer now). What's wrong with this, and who says that watching cartoons, caring about concerts more than your job, eating chocolate cake for dinner, and sleeping with stuffed animals is for CHILDREN?!

I beg to freakin differ, son! I am quite happy, and I think that my lifestyle is the perfect combination of all things good in life. Not only do I get to drink alcohol, see R rated movies, and slather whipped cream on whatever I want whenever I want, but I can continue to do all the things I have always enjoyed such as play video games, watch cartoons, and shop in toy stores.

In my opinion, people that give ANY of this stuff up in order to be "responsible" have no clue! I pay my bills, I am a professional, I handle my own, but DAMN, do I know how to have fun! I recommend that everyone keep connected with their inner child. Just because I am 26 doesn't mean I have to suddenly start reading the NY Times in the morning while simultaneously drinking black coffee, ironing my white cotton underwear, doing my taxes, and bleaching the bathroom floor! That's for cartoon robots like Rosie on the Jetsons.....

Monday, June 26, 2006

Pearl Jam in Pittsburgh and Cincinnati

I wasn't exactly on top of things as far as taking pictures....must have been having too much fun! Here's what I have for you to enjoy:


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Pittsburgh Pre Show

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My hero: Nixon....hooked me up like a tow truck both nights! Thanks, buddy! :)

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On our way to the Pittsburgh after party.....why are my legs on the backs of the seats???

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Post party after Cincinnati

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Homeward bound......sad! :(

Dedicated to my Jamily!

Smile
By Pearl jam


Don't it make you smile? (2x)
When the sun don't shine it don't shine at all...
Don't it make you smile? Don't it make you smile?
Don't it make me smile? Yeah...
When the sun don't shine it don't shine at all...yeah...
Don't it make me smile?
I miss you already yeah...I miss you always...
I miss you already yeah...I miss you all day...
This is how I feel...
I...I miss you already yeah...I miss you always...
three crooked hearts and swirls all around... i miss you all day



STAY TUNED LATER TODAY FOR MORE BIG UPS FROM PITTS AND CINCY!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Talia's song pick-o-the-week

My song pick of the week is a very fun, high energy Pearl Jam track, entitled Sonic Reducer. I chose this particular song today because I'm about to embark on a journey which will lead me to two more Pearl Jam concerts (for a grand total of 6 for this tour and 10 in my lifetime)

I'm attempting to quell my pre-show butterflies but Pittsburgh and Cincinnati are in my very near future, and my desk feels like a prison!

Enjoy with me:
Sonic Reducer
By: Pearl Jam

I don't need anyone, don't need no mom and dad
Don't need no good advice, don't need no human rights
I got some news for you, don't even need you too
I got my time machine, got my 'lectronic dream

Sonic reducer, ain't no loser...oh...
Got a sonic reducer, sonic reducer...

People out on the streets, they don't know who I am
I watch them from my room, they are just passing by
I'm not just anyone, said I'm not just anyone
I got my time machine, got my little 'lectronic dream

Sonic reducer, ain't no loser...oh...
Sonic reducer, sonic reducer...ahhh... I

'll be your bearer soon, love on some cotton doom
Things will be different then, the sun will rise from here
Then I'll be ten feet tall, then you'll be nothing at all
I got my time machine, got my 'lectronic dream

Sonic reducer, ain't no loser...oh...
Sonic reducer, sonic reducer...oh...
Sonic reducer, sonic reducer...yeah...
Sonic reducer, sonic reducer, sonic reducer...oh...

Monday, June 19, 2006

Talia Says...

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First, You MUST check out the most recent Rolling Stone! Aside from the fact that you should be reading it every month so that you can be cool, you have to get Issue 1003, June 29, 2006 with Eddie Vedder on the cover, and featuring a great cover story on Pearl Jam, by Brian Hiatt (Associate Editor for Rolling Stone).

This picture also appears inside:
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If you were at East Rutherford night 1 you may recognize this shirt Eddie is wearing. He wore it that night too!


Second, you should all be watching HBO on Sunday nights from 10pm-11:30pm eastern time. If you're cool enough to be someplace besides your couch at that time of night on a Sunday, then you should also be cool enough to have TiVo, and you have no excuse to miss Entourage, Lucky Louie, and Tourgasm!

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Entourage is genius. It brings out the wannabe in all of us. No matter what your chosen path in life is, for 30 minutes one night a week you desperately want to BE one of the guys in the entourage...partying, driving fast expensive cars, smoking kush with celebs, negotiating million dollar contracts via bribery and extortion...if you say you don't then you are a LIAR, and you know what happens to liars- well they get stripped naked in the town square, doused with gasoline, and set on fire, thats what!

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Lucky Louie, was a surprise hit for me. I originally thought of it as an annoyance, shoved in between two of the best shows ever, like a thong wedged into the butt cheeks of HBO comedy, but I accidentally watched it last night, and I'll tell ya what- it was freakin hilarious! Aside from the fact that last night's episode contained an abundance of awkward sex simulations by a red-haired balding chubby guy (which make someone like myself with the maturity level of a 5th grader giggle uncontrollably), the characters are actually quite tolerable, even likeable and funny. I'll watch it again, but if it doesn't make me chuckle next week, the red head gets the boot, and I schedule my sunday evening shower for 10:30 PM Sharp!

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Tourgasm, unsurprisingly, does not fail to make me scream laugh to the point of tears, and sometimes, pee a little! I don't know what it is about Dane Cook, who admitedly re-tells the same jokes over and over, but the man can do no wrong in my eyes! He could be sound asleep and still make me laugh uncontrollably. I'm sure it has alot to do with his delivery and energy, but whatever the case may be, I will not miss an episode. Gary Gulman, is a hard-bodied Jewish dreamboat, who along with Robert Kelly, solicits belly laughs from audiences across the country. And, well, Jay Davis, with that awful wig of his, is such a pathetic pussy, that its like a car accident when he goes on stage...you don't want to look, but your eyes and ears are drawn to it. The stand up combined with the reality aspect, following these clowns around in a tour bus across the country is a killer combination. I would, fer sher, volunteer to be a roadie on that bus!


Thats it, I've said my piece for today...now do what I tell you, BITCH!

Friday, June 16, 2006

ZING!

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I read this week on TheSuperficial that Alec Baldwin had called someone a "fruit-salad head" in an apparent attempt to cast a negative light on said person. This got me thinking about hilarious names to call people when you want to dis them, so I have compiled a little list, with comments, of my favorite zingers! Please feel free to add your own via comments!

1. Ass Clown: this is a classic favorite of mine! Picture an actual tiny clown that dwells deep within an anus. Is there really anything worse to call a person? Taken quite literally, an ass-clown is not one but two horrible things. First, all clowns should be banned from the world since those red lips and crazy shoes can scare the ugly off of Carrot Top! Second, not only is this creature a horrible clown, but it lives in an ass- the place where stinkyness is unavoidable, where the worst of all things gets expelled...I'll say no more...just leave you with that...

2. _______- Head: the "head series" is virtually limitless. Here you can fill in the blank with any word, really, and insult someone thereby. Apparently suggesting that someone's head is anything other than a functioning human body part which houses the brain, is an insult in and of itself. Some fun samples from the "head series" are shit-head, dootie-head, stupid-head (my favorite), dick-head (which has a double insulting meaning because dicks actually have a head of their own), and the ever popular butt-head.

3. _______- Bag: the "bag series" is very similar to the aforementioned "head series". Here, however you are basically telling someone that they are the equivalent to whatever sort of undesirable bag you decide to call them. Some examples of insulting bags to be compared to are: scum-bag, douche-bag, puss-bag, and crap-bag (Phoebe's husband on Friends)

AS AN ASIDE: Douche-bag has inspired a whole gamut of ancillary terms, to perpetuate the insult and vary the use of the word such as Douche-baggery(n), douche-baggage(n), and douche-baggedly(adv)

4. Gomer: Orignially derived from the 1960s Andy Griffith show character named Gomer Pyle, played by Jim Nabors, calling someone a "Gomer" indicates that, like the tv character, this person behaves like an imbicile from Alabama who looks like this: Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

5. Chachi: This name, too, was derived from a tv character, played by Scott Baio, from the 1970s hit show, Happy Days. When calling someone Chachi, you are indicating that this person is a little full of himself, pretty cheezy, and could possibly have feathered hair, a gold chain, or a shirt which reveals bare chest. Like this guy:
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There are plenty more insulting things to call people, but I'd like some input from YOU....holla back and tell me what you REALLY think!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Lawyers Don't Get Crunk

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Today I, being the aspiring young entertainment lawyer that I am, attended a conference on Copyright and Trademark issues in the entertainment industry. I found it interesting on many levels, most of which involving the fact that this area of law does NOT incite me to gauge my eyes out with a corkscrew and feed them to snapping turtles, BUT for your purposes, it was interesting for the following reason:

There were two main presenters at the conference, both seasoned attorneys in the entertainment and intellectual property field. Both were white, middle aged, and had intelligent appearances (nice way to say nerdy). They had extensive outlines, a nifty power point slideshow, and several real life examples of the law in action. They were relatively engaging, and seemed very knowledgeable about the topics presented…..until…..

They started discussing a case in which Rosa Parks sued recording artists OutKast, and their pruducers LaFace Records concerning the use of her name and the First Amendment rights of the Defendants in the creation and marketing of the song Rosa Parks….

…Anyway, so they displayed the following lyrics to demonstrate the context of said usage:

Ah ha, hush that fuss
Everybody move to the back of the bus
Do you wanna bump and slump with us
We the type of people make the club get crunk

THEN, one of the speakers says, dead seriously: “I know what crunk means”, and the other, passed him the microphone to elaborate. He said, “I think it means drunk”.

The other speaker then adds, equally as stone faced and matter-of-factly: “It means crazy drunk”, but admitted that there may be interpretations of which he was not aware.

THEN, someone, an older Caucasian attorney from the audience shouts out “Crack cocaine, that’s what it means!” And the room grunts and frowns as if expressing sympathy for the poor plaintiff, Rosa Parks.

Nothing more was said about the word “crunk” from that point on, and I believe the majority of the people in the room simply accepted the suggested interpretations of the word, and moved on. I, however, was laughing hysterically to myself in the back of the room, to the point of tears!

Thanks to Beth, I now submit to you, the Wikipedia definition of “CRUNK”

Crunk music is a specific type of hip hop music, based out of the Southern United States, particularly on the eastern side of Atlanta, Georgia; and Memphis, Tennessee. Crunk is classified as a subdivision of Dirty South or Southern rap and is an outgrowth of Atlanta-based Miami Bass and perhaps more directly, New Orleans' Bounce music.

Or
Crunk is also thought to be derived from a combination of the words "crazy" and "drunk", or a combination of "chronic" and "drunk", referring to when someone is both drunk from
alcohol and high on marijuana, at the same time.
Rap Artist Lil Jon defines Crunk as a "state of heightened excitement".
Additionally, "crunk" is an
onomatopoeic description of the noise a crane makes (as in, "the crunk of a crane").

Interestingly enough, it appears that speaker number 2 was right!

Monday, June 12, 2006

YOU AND I AND EVERYONE WE KNOW












Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.

Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
~OFFICE SPACE

Im gonna go ahead and assume that MOST of my readers can relate to the above quote from Office Space (1999). I know I can...obviously, because its Monday morning and I'm posting blogs right now instead of doing the job I'm paid to do on THIS computer!

Anyway, Beth and I have come up with the best idea ever, to take full advantage of our workday space-outs ...... Tune in very soon for something that will change your life forever! Ok, so maybe it wont change your life, per se, but I guarantee it will make your work day slighly more tolerable and give you something to laugh at, other than the awkwardly curious stain on your co-worker's pants!

I promise, we'll have it up and running THIS WEEK (B- get ready, its time to launch!)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Monday, June 05, 2006

Pearl Jam Tour 2006, continued

New Jersey Night 2.... we started in Hoboken with Margaritas and buritos....














Then picked up some beers and tailgated in Justin's trunk at the venue......















Me and Swirly before the show


















Hoping for Breath before the show, and although it was not played, the setlist absolutely blew me away, and YES, I did get to hear Black again....this time getting scolded by a man for banging into his pregnant wife from Behind during the song!


















A lil blurry but you can see him alright......the man of the hour himself......
















Another one of those moments where I lose my shit and start trembling uncontrollably....
















NO PLACE ON EARTH I'D RATHER BE!

Pearl Jam Tour 2006

This summer has been fantabulous so far due to all of my super fly Pearl Jam shows (Irving Plaza in NYC, Eddie with the Strokes at Rolling Stone Party, Camden Night 2, and East Rutherford, New Jersey nights 1 and 2.....here are some of the memories with all of the amazing people that shared them with me..........














Me and steph at Camden night 2 (setlist)....I got to hear Black for the very first time. I was writhing around on the ground in the aisle when a security lady tried to remove me... I said "Have you ever loved something so much it hurt? Thats this song for me. Dont ruin it!"

















Camden night 2


















In Jersey night one (setlist), I started at Port Authority on the bus....got some free beers from some fellow jamily members, then got completely soaked walking from the parking lot to the venue in torrential downpours. This is me getting mic all wet!

















Me and Jordan....just before I laughed for an hour in the back of the car about absolutely everything and nothing at all..."burgle"....
















Chris and I before the show.....and before all of the bruises......

Friday, June 02, 2006

CrackHead or New Lawyer??

Upon speaking with my friends and colleagues who have recently fallen head first down the lawyer hole, never to return again, I decided to create a fun little game to poke fun at how ridiculous our lives are, and to point out how people grant waaaaay too much glamour and prestige to the lives of new lawyers

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one come all. It’s time to play………..
CrAcKhEaD OR NeW lAwYeR!
(dramatic echo followed by corny game show music)

The point of the game is to read the following real life scenarios, put on your thinking caps, then determine whether these situations were experienced by a “CRACKHEAD” or a “NEW LAWYER

Situation #1:
This individual can be found on a Wednesday evening, scrounging for loose change, with the goal of purchasing a 2-pack of condoms and a 40 ounce of Coors Lite…..CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER????


Those who guessed CRACKHEAD are wrong! This situation is frequently experienced by New Lawyers all over the world who are left penniless after student loans and rent checks are signed each month. Hint: CRACKHEADS don’t bother with condoms!


Situation #2:
This individual diligently wakes up bright and early every morning with a responsible agenda to earn a living and provide for himself and his family…………CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER????????????


Oddly enough the answer is CRACKHEAD! New Lawyers fall under one of several categories: (1) they hate their job and get there late every day to spite the employers that berate them, and degrade them by paying them in imported Greek Liquor instead of US currency (2) they don’t even have a job yet (3) They are temping in which case no one gives a shit what time you come in, and you’re not going to do any work once you get there anyway, so why bother waking up early. The CRACKHEAD, on the other hand must get up early because morning commuters will kick him and throw bagels at him and fellow CRACKHEADS will steal his stuff.


Situation #3:
This individual suffers from irritable bowel syndrome, due to the fact that he must “hold it in” until he can make it to a public place before he can relieve himself…….CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER?????????


You should be starting to see a pattern here. If you guessed NEW LAWYER you are CORRECT! New Lawyers often do not have enough money to buy household luxuries such as paper products, namely toilet paper, and therefore must wait till they get to work, or if they don’t have a job (see above) to a public place before they can “go”. CRACKHEADS don’t give a shit (pun intended) and they just drop it wherever whenever.

That’s all for now, kids. Thank you for playing. Be sure to tune in next time for another brain busting game of CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER!!!