CrackHead or New Lawyer??

Upon speaking with my friends and colleagues who have recently fallen head first down the lawyer hole, never to return again, I decided to create a fun little game to poke fun at how ridiculous our lives are, and to point out how people grant waaaaay too much glamour and prestige to the lives of new lawyers

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one come all. It’s time to play………..
CrAcKhEaD OR NeW lAwYeR!
(dramatic echo followed by corny game show music)

The point of the game is to read the following real life scenarios, put on your thinking caps, then determine whether these situations were experienced by a “CRACKHEAD” or a “NEW LAWYER”

Situation #1:
This individual can be found on a Wednesday evening, scrounging for loose change, with the goal of purchasing a 2-pack of condoms and a 40 ounce of Coors Lite…..CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER????


Those who guessed CRACKHEAD are wrong! This situation is frequently experienced by New Lawyers all over the world who are left penniless after student loans and rent checks are signed each month. Hint: CRACKHEADS don’t bother with condoms!


Situation #2:
This individual diligently wakes up bright and early every morning with a responsible agenda to earn a living and provide for himself and his family…………CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER????????????


Oddly enough the answer is CRACKHEAD! New Lawyers fall under one of several categories: (1) they hate their job and get there late every day to spite the employers that berate them, and degrade them by paying them in imported Greek Liquor instead of US currency (2) they don’t even have a job yet (3) They are temping in which case no one gives a shit what time you come in, and you’re not going to do any work once you get there anyway, so why bother waking up early. The CRACKHEAD, on the other hand must get up early because morning commuters will kick him and throw bagels at him and fellow CRACKHEADS will steal his stuff.


Situation #3:
This individual suffers from irritable bowel syndrome, due to the fact that he must “hold it in” until he can make it to a public place before he can relieve himself…….CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER?????????


You should be starting to see a pattern here. If you guessed NEW LAWYER you are CORRECT! New Lawyers often do not have enough money to buy household luxuries such as paper products, namely toilet paper, and therefore must wait till they get to work, or if they don’t have a job (see above) to a public place before they can “go”. CRACKHEADS don’t give a shit (pun intended) and they just drop it wherever whenever.

That’s all for now, kids. Thank you for playing. Be sure to tune in next time for another brain busting game of CRACKHEAD or NEW LAWYER!!!