AOL's Guide to Concert Etiquette
Its summertime and that means tons of bands are on tour and your ass is hitting every show to pass through your town from Bjork to Poison. Party on, I say, but AOL wants to remind us that there is a certain etiquette that we, as concertgoers, should follow in order to make seeing a live music show as pleasant as possible for everyone involved. As usual, I have added my own AccordingToTalia 2 cents, in purple, for each of the 10 items on the list. The Spinner Staff at AOL has put together a vignette demonstrating each rule, and I've included one of the funnier ones below for your viewing enjoyment. Have fun this summer, but don't ruin it for me!
10. Tall dudes: choose a spot and stay put. Being of relatively short stature, at a whopping 5 feet 4 inches, I find myself standing on tippy toes for the duration of a general admission show. I understand that the world is full of people that are taller than me, but do you always have to stand so close to the stage? If you were to stand behind me, we'd both be able to see, and I wouldn't be killing you with my mind for over an hour during the set. Just be courteous, that's all I ask, mmmm-kay?
9. We get it, you're a fan, you don't need to wear a fricken t-shirt. I am torn about this one. I definitely have rules about not wearing a band t-shirt unless you've seen the band live, or at the very least, own an album and know multiple songs. I HATE it when young people wear Grateful Dead shirts because they want people to think they smoke pot, or wear a Rolling Stones shirt because they saw Jessica Simpson wearing one in US Weekly. On the other hand, whenever I see someone on the street with a Pearl Jam shirt on, I immediately respect them. PLUS, if you buy a shirt at the show, which we all know, is where you find the best band merch, and don't feel like carrying it around, what better way to keep it safe than by putting it on? I say this rule is totally breakable, so go ahead.
8. Your tongue belongs in your own mouth. Ok, this one is important. PDA is totally unacceptable at a concert. I'm sorry, but if you wanted to play kissy face, you could have saved yourself $100 and made out to the album in the car! Besides, you are running serious risk of injury by making out at a concert. You could get elbowed in the head, knocked to the ground, trampled, and not to mention all the things that might happen to you by accident. Save it for later.
7. Your date must keep 1 foot on the ground. Every 80s rock video has that crowd panning shot in which several girls are visible on guys shoulders waving their arms to the music. Well, this is not the 80s, and you could get beaten for that kind of bullsh!t behavior. Its dangerous and obstructs even the tall people's views, so, like me, if you want to see better, you get your ass to the venue really early and secure your spot up front. If there is assigned seating, then you just have to pay the big bucks for a seat up front. No shoulder seating!
6. Friends don't call friends. I always laugh when I look around at a concert, while a band is playing one their bigger hits, and see tons of people with their phones in the air, playing the song to a friend who is on the line. I've gotten these voicemails before, and I've also called people from a show to do the same thing. You're not hurting anyone by trying to share the love, just don't expect to actually speak to whoever your calling. Ducking down, doesn't help. Putting one finger into your other ear doesn't help. Just don't try. It makes you look stupid.
5. The band doesn't want your cheap crap. How much stuff do you think stage crews have to throw away at the end of any arena show? Teddy bears, t-shirts, demo cds...do you really want to be the one responsible for the musician slipping on your junk and busting his ass? Didn't think so.
4. Leave your balls at home. Why do people bring beach balls to concerts? I can't come up with an explanation for it, other than the "oooohhh aaaaaahhh" factor that some nit-wits get from seeing a large crowd do something in unison like the wave at a baseball game. Getting beaned in the back of the head with a plastic rainbow ball isn't my idea of fun. But then again, I'm a genius with an amazing sense of humor, so what the hell do I know?
3. If you must yell out a request, make sure the band hasn't already played it. This is funny! I've heard Eddie Vedder embarrass the hell out of a jackass fan who shouted a request that was played during the pre-set. If you're fan enough to think you deserve a request, then you should be fan enough to a) get to the show early so you don't miss anything and b) stay sober enough to remember what you've heard. If you missed it, you're only wasting your own money, but I'll gladly laugh at you when the crowd, and the band rips you to shreds. Loser.
2. BTW, you are not actually in the band. Back in my Limp Bizkit and Korn days, I saw a great many fans jump on stage, only to be either tossed off Akon-style by a security guard, or in my case, led off side stage gently. It is distracting, and now that we're grown-ups (at least in the eyes of the IRS), its not cool. In my defense, LB and Korn welcomed the action, and I didn't go willingly anyway. It was either get squashed to death by the crowd, or make a go for the stage. Thankfully, I lived to see my 21st bday.
1. When the show is over, go home. This is a tough one for me to deal with. When Pearl Jam shows end, I feel devastated that the magic has ended. The Jamily and I usually make our way to the front of the stage where we then scour the floor for unclaimed guitar picks. Then, when we're shooed out of the venue, we reconvene outside in the parking lot, to sober up or drink more, whatever the case may be, and hang out with our friends. We've just experienced our favorite band in action and that causes for celebration and unity. Leave us alone, and just let us have our moment. We don't expect you to understand.
10. Tall dudes: choose a spot and stay put. Being of relatively short stature, at a whopping 5 feet 4 inches, I find myself standing on tippy toes for the duration of a general admission show. I understand that the world is full of people that are taller than me, but do you always have to stand so close to the stage? If you were to stand behind me, we'd both be able to see, and I wouldn't be killing you with my mind for over an hour during the set. Just be courteous, that's all I ask, mmmm-kay?
9. We get it, you're a fan, you don't need to wear a fricken t-shirt. I am torn about this one. I definitely have rules about not wearing a band t-shirt unless you've seen the band live, or at the very least, own an album and know multiple songs. I HATE it when young people wear Grateful Dead shirts because they want people to think they smoke pot, or wear a Rolling Stones shirt because they saw Jessica Simpson wearing one in US Weekly. On the other hand, whenever I see someone on the street with a Pearl Jam shirt on, I immediately respect them. PLUS, if you buy a shirt at the show, which we all know, is where you find the best band merch, and don't feel like carrying it around, what better way to keep it safe than by putting it on? I say this rule is totally breakable, so go ahead.
8. Your tongue belongs in your own mouth. Ok, this one is important. PDA is totally unacceptable at a concert. I'm sorry, but if you wanted to play kissy face, you could have saved yourself $100 and made out to the album in the car! Besides, you are running serious risk of injury by making out at a concert. You could get elbowed in the head, knocked to the ground, trampled, and not to mention all the things that might happen to you by accident. Save it for later.
7. Your date must keep 1 foot on the ground. Every 80s rock video has that crowd panning shot in which several girls are visible on guys shoulders waving their arms to the music. Well, this is not the 80s, and you could get beaten for that kind of bullsh!t behavior. Its dangerous and obstructs even the tall people's views, so, like me, if you want to see better, you get your ass to the venue really early and secure your spot up front. If there is assigned seating, then you just have to pay the big bucks for a seat up front. No shoulder seating!
6. Friends don't call friends. I always laugh when I look around at a concert, while a band is playing one their bigger hits, and see tons of people with their phones in the air, playing the song to a friend who is on the line. I've gotten these voicemails before, and I've also called people from a show to do the same thing. You're not hurting anyone by trying to share the love, just don't expect to actually speak to whoever your calling. Ducking down, doesn't help. Putting one finger into your other ear doesn't help. Just don't try. It makes you look stupid.
5. The band doesn't want your cheap crap. How much stuff do you think stage crews have to throw away at the end of any arena show? Teddy bears, t-shirts, demo cds...do you really want to be the one responsible for the musician slipping on your junk and busting his ass? Didn't think so.
4. Leave your balls at home. Why do people bring beach balls to concerts? I can't come up with an explanation for it, other than the "oooohhh aaaaaahhh" factor that some nit-wits get from seeing a large crowd do something in unison like the wave at a baseball game. Getting beaned in the back of the head with a plastic rainbow ball isn't my idea of fun. But then again, I'm a genius with an amazing sense of humor, so what the hell do I know?
3. If you must yell out a request, make sure the band hasn't already played it. This is funny! I've heard Eddie Vedder embarrass the hell out of a jackass fan who shouted a request that was played during the pre-set. If you're fan enough to think you deserve a request, then you should be fan enough to a) get to the show early so you don't miss anything and b) stay sober enough to remember what you've heard. If you missed it, you're only wasting your own money, but I'll gladly laugh at you when the crowd, and the band rips you to shreds. Loser.
2. BTW, you are not actually in the band. Back in my Limp Bizkit and Korn days, I saw a great many fans jump on stage, only to be either tossed off Akon-style by a security guard, or in my case, led off side stage gently. It is distracting, and now that we're grown-ups (at least in the eyes of the IRS), its not cool. In my defense, LB and Korn welcomed the action, and I didn't go willingly anyway. It was either get squashed to death by the crowd, or make a go for the stage. Thankfully, I lived to see my 21st bday.
1. When the show is over, go home. This is a tough one for me to deal with. When Pearl Jam shows end, I feel devastated that the magic has ended. The Jamily and I usually make our way to the front of the stage where we then scour the floor for unclaimed guitar picks. Then, when we're shooed out of the venue, we reconvene outside in the parking lot, to sober up or drink more, whatever the case may be, and hang out with our friends. We've just experienced our favorite band in action and that causes for celebration and unity. Leave us alone, and just let us have our moment. We don't expect you to understand.
