You can't make this stuff up...really, you can't

Ok, its back....another wacky IM conversation between tweedle D and tweedle double D. Also, this is an actual event which I am describing in the reproduced conversation below, that clearly demonstrates the absolutely undeniable fact that the STUPIDEST stuff in the world happens to one, Talia T. Page, Esq.

ME: I went out last night for jenn's going away party
ME: I was already in a bad mood because there is no good way to get to 7th and C via public transportation
ME: plus I wanted to run errands and play with my new computer
ME: so getting there was sheer hell
ME: then I do get there, order a beer, and they take cash only, of which I have NONE
ME: thenI spill the contents of my (now broken) wallet on the floor of the crowded bar
ME: THEN
ME: I got drunk
ME: because I was expecting this to be a dinner affair
ME: (it was not)
ME: so I was gonna share a cab with Leslie
ME: but she left with her new man
ME: and I was left with Nick
ME: anyway he puts me in a cab (gives me money)
ME: I get home
ME: and alas
ME: my keys will not work
ME: I have to wake up steph and sarah
ME: they cannot open the door from the inside
ME: I am locked out, but worse
ME: they are locked IN!
ME: the neighbors come down
ME: everyone is in uproar
ME: I pee under the porch
ME: call the landlord
ME: it is 2:45
ME: AM
ME: I make friends with a visitor a few doors down who is having a smoke
ME: he goes to Cooley law in Lansing!
ME: He is 26 and his name is Joe
ME: Joe and I try to make a running charge at the door
ME: I am hungry
ME: steph passes me granola bars and a hat and gloves through the window
ME: she takes photos of me
ME: I am sad
ME: our upstairs neighbor comes home with a boy
ME: he is tall
ME: he breaks the door
ME: they go upstairs
ME: the landlord arrives
ME: he asks me who has broken the door
ME: "who broke this door?" he says
ME: I tell him a stranger did
ME: he gets mad...mumbles something about fingers in the wrong place
ME: I repeat "fingers?"
ME: Then he mumbles something about having mispoken and tells me to go about my business
ME: I am confused
ME: I go to bed
Elizabeth: i am crying
ME: Im glad you can make funny happy time of my misery
Elizabeth: that is hilarious
ME: (I am laughing too)
Elizabeth: the image of steph passing you granola is killing me
ME: lol she almost passed me a zuchini boat
ME: thats what I really wanted