Horse tranquilizers?

I'm sure that many of you, like me, were anxiously awaiting Britney's performance (sad attempt at a come back) on tonight's MTV Video Music Awards. Ironically despite my recent career switch, this year I watched the show from home instead of from the actual audience (F Vegas!), and part of me wanted to boycott the show all together (can we say poor sport?), but I absolutely had to watch Britney. Honestly, I was rooting for her. I really wanted her to come out and blow the nay sayers away, and prove that she really could pull herself up by the trailer trash boot straps and get it together- returning to her pop princess status.

Unfortunately, Britney did no such thing! Not only did she lip synch- uh actually she didn't even really move her lips all that much- but she hardly even "danced". Basically what we saw tonight was a sad, pathetic, out of shape former icon stare in fear/sedated stupor into the eyes of the nation and prove that she's totally lost every shred of dignity AND performance skill she ever had. The song was sub par, and she didn't even pretend to sing it. She couldn't dance, instead stumbling around as if her shoes were too tight, she had to poop, and she had forgotten the routine. She looked like a frightened deer in headlights, or, as I see the situation, like a heavily medicated train wreck. I watched most of the "performance" with my mouth agape and my hands pressed to my cheeks. She couldn't have been worse if she had fallen off the stage like Beyonce, peed her pants like fergie, AND lip synched to the wrong song like Ashly Simpson.

I didn't think it would be that bad, but it was...it sooooo was. I'm sorry Britney, but I cannot tell a lie. You blew donkey balls tonight. Big hairy donkey balls.

As for the rest of the show, even though super cutie Mark Ronson DJ'd, I didn't watch it. I was still bitter about not being there. Plus I had other intoxicated hoochies to watch ruin their lives on national television on Rock of Love. If you missed the VMAs tonight, don't worry. Not only can you catch official vids on mtv.com but it will be replayed, as usual, around the clock for the next several days.