How is Jesus like Chuck Woolery?

The other day my friend asked me to log into his Jdate profile and pick out some girls for him. If you don't know already, Jdate is a dating website, similar to match.com, but primarily for Jewish people (J is for Jew). I've actually heard quite a bit about the popularity and success rate of Jdate, and have been pretty intrigued by the whole thing for a while. So, I logged in with his username and password and to my astonishment there were a ton of cute girls who appeared to be quite normal! I browsed, hotlisted a few jew babes for him, and logged out.

Coincidentally, the following afternoon, I was sifting through my junk mail (for some reason certain emails from friends' work email addresses sometimes go in there and I have to actually look at them before I delete them) and I came across an ad for ChristianSingles.com. I think am a christian. I was baptized and raised Catholic, but I have pretty much denounced my faith in "organized religion" to a certain extent. I love the gays. I think Sodom and Gamorrah sounds like a spring break resort, yadda yadda yadda, but I do believe in God, and I try to do onto my neighbor as I would have them do onto me. 'Nuff said.

So I thought, hey, I'm normal and I'm fairly Christian, (without having to attest to the accuracy of the bible) could ChristianSingles.com be as trendy and acceptable as Jdate.com has become? Out of curiosity I clicked on the link, and immediately discovered this sad but true fact. Christians are simply not as cool as Jews. Read this exerpt from the website (my commentary is in green brackets):

Why become a member of Christiansingles.com?
If your intention is to mingle and date casually, this site is not for you.If you can relate to any of the following then you belong here and should become a member of our family.
* I eliminate dating with non marriage minded people. [Marriage? I dont need no stinkin marriage! I make my own money, I have my own insurance, and pay my own taxes. If Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel don't need to get married, then neither do I!]
* I am serious about being married. [Nope, I pretty much see marriage as a joke at this point in my life]
* I am divorced and would like introductions to quality individuals. [I thought The Secretary was a great movie, so I probably don't qualify]
* I have children living with me and feel that God will help me find my Mr. or Mrs. Right. [No kids, but I'm pretty sure God helped me find my house keys the other day without the help of this website so anything is possible, right?]
* I wish for my potential mate to hold the same values and belief system as mine. [I value my Pearl Jam bootlegs and believe that Joe Rogan is the devil. Anyone?]
* I dislike the bar scene and prefer introductions through a reputable Christian dating service. [I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing long enough to come up with a witty response to this one....ahem....Hoboken St. Patrick's Day 2007.....sorry]
* I wish to be part of a 100% Christian network. [What fun would life be without Jerry Seinfeld and Marilyn Manson?]


What I am requesting from the internet is this: How about having a RockstarDates.com site where my single friends and I can become acquainted with rock stars? Rock stars certainly have their pick of whomever they want already, do they not? This could simply provide us all an organized avenue for which to achieve our common goals. Well, I know rock stars read my blog, so I'll let you fellas mull it over a bit and get back to me. As an alternative, rock stars who want to date me can simply post a comment here, and I'll holla back. Inquiries will be answered in the order in which they were received.

Another idea would be this: FunnyManDates.com...I am a sucker for a funny man (ANDY SAMBERG if you're reading this, I am sooo bout it!) so why not have a dating site for girls like me who would rather have a giggle fest with the likes of Kevin James or Will Ferrell than get his and hers pedicures with a lame pretty boy like Brad Pitt.

Certainly I am not coming up with a novel idea here. My point, after all of this stream-of-consciousness rambling, is that if there are dating sites for Christians to find Christians, and dating sites for Jews to find Jews, then why can't I have a dating site to find the rock star/ funny man of my dreams?

CALL ME ANDY!