What's with Gum?

And why on earth do we need to know so freaking much about the pack of gum anyway? Im pretty sure that when most of us buy a pack of gum you basically know what your in for. You pop it in your mouth, have a little chew, and go on with your life, no? As far as Im concerned, the package could simply say "Gum" and I'd buy it. But noooo! At some point we decided that gum wasn't just for chewing anymore. Nope, we have gum that whitens your teeth, curbs your appetite, keeps you awake, and prevents you from smoking! This is an outrage! Now I have to read the back of a pack of freaking gum before I buy it just to ensure that its not going to do something unexpected to me such as lower my sperm count or stimulate hair growth! (yes, I am aware that I do not produce sperm, but Im trying to make a point)

Psssshhhh! I'm better off keeping my jaw busy with a good old fashioned pen cap! At least (for now) there is never any concern as to whether my pen contains a milk derived ingredient!