A 2007 update on an age old concept

Have you seen the Millennium episode of Seinfeld where Jerry freaks out upon discovery that his new girlfriend, Valerie, (played by Laura Graham of Gilmore Girls) has placed him on her speed dial? The ever neurotic Jerry initially obsesses about whether Valerie is moving too fast, with the speed dial thing, but eventually takes it as a compliment when he reaches spot number one after a good date. At this point, Valerie’s step mother secretly contacts Jerry, and threatens him in attempts to regain her status on Valerie’s speed dial list. A not-so-good date happens in the meantime, and Jerry drops from #1 to # 7, AGAIN causing him to freak out about what this demotion in status really means.

Upon watching this episode recently on TBS, I was immediately reminded of MYSPACE! Think about it- how many of us (or certainly people we know) have obsessed over whether or not they have earned a place in someone’s TOP 8 or TOP FRIENDS list on Myspace??? Personally, I could really give a rip, but I know people (a few in particular, but I will not name names) who are completely fixated and preoccupied by their Myspace status- constantly checking out people’s “Top Friends” lists and taking personal offense to being demoted to a lower rank or being (God forbid) removed altogether!

What is it with status symbols in today’s society? Isn’t it good enough that I have your phone number, call you occasionally, and for that matter, that I don’t ignore you all together?! What’s the big deal with rankings anyway? I remember being on the playground when I was in first grade naming off who was my “first best friend”, my “second best friend”, and so on. It’s all so trite and silly if you ask me. I can tell who are my real friends by important factors such as who calls me on my birthday, who has known me all my life through the good times, the uni-brow, and the insecure phases, and STILL comes to visit me in NY at least once a year.

And isn’t dating difficult enough without having to worry about whether your new crush has you on his top friends, who he’s got pictures of on his profile, and so on? I’m self conscious enough without newly invented ways to grade myself in the eyes of others, so I would like to throw up a big virtual middle finger at the whole Myspace Top Friends ranking system (but not enough to actually do anything drastic like deleting my page or anything).

Today, I challenge you all to erase your top friends, and replace each spot with people you don’t know very well- the band that just sent you a random request, the creepy old guy who went to your alma mater…..get to know someone new, because after all, the people you care about should know this already!