Hoarders

We are just a few weeks into the new season of Hoarders on A&E and I have become so flummoxed by the filth, so moved by the mayhem, and so paranoid by the piles, that I constantly relate every misstep in my own cleanliness back to the show. The problem however, is that A&E has, in my opinion, made a severe mistake in lumping plain old disgusting slobs in with people who genuinely have a Hoarding disorder, which generally involves the accumulation of too much stuff. I am 100% clear on hoarding since my own Grandmother has been a hoarder for my entire life. Her experience with hoarding involves a penchant for patronizing garage sales (then turning around and hosting several of her own) as well as a living situation in which it is necessary to clear a path in the boxes of fake flowers, extra dishes, and clothing that no longer fits ANYONE in our family in order to reach important areas of the home such as the bathroom or the kitchen. It is a very real illness, and I do not intend to make light of it.

Some of the people featured this season of Hoarders, however, are just revolting pigs! It has gone way beyond the need to keep toys and baby clothes well into a child's adulthood. We are talking about rooms packed several feet high with human and animal waste; piles of food refuse layered upon feline and rodent carcasses! Granted, my Grandmother has waaaaay too many possessions and yet continues to race to Kohl's every Wednesday to ensure she takes full advantage of her senior discount, but she has NEVER filled a room with poop! Seriously, who does that?! Because I have a family member with a REAL Hoarding disorder, I'm offended that the people who's homes are literal toxic waste dumps are associated with the average lady who keeps too many of her kids' toys!

This is not to say, however, that I do not find A&E's Hoarders to be good television. I do. I watch as often as my schedule permits, and for very selfish reasons. There is something very satisfying about walking into my kitchen full of dirty dishes and thinking "Jesus, I'm a regular Merry Maid compared to these freaks!" Its the same reason, for example, thta I watch The Biggest Loser- it makes me feel thin (until those bitches get smaller than me in the final weeks or the season in which case I pray for their failure evidenced by humiliating update videos). Reality TV, in general, is geared toward making us, as viewers, feel good about ourselves. Your mom (or therapist) may tell you over and over "Stop complaining ! You've got it alot better than some people!" Now, thanks to TV we can check our local listings and, several times a week, tune in to gawk at people whose homes are messier than ours, who look worse in a bathing suit than we do, and who drink a hell of alot more than we do (Intervention on A&E). Relax, chugging down 5 beers during the game on Saturday is FIIIIIIIIINE! And if you don't get around to cleaning up the empty bottles for a day or two RELAX, at least you don't have any poop or dead animals on your floor. WIN!