Celebrity Jeopardy? Hmmm...

A curious thing happened to me tonight. As I ate my energy-boosting, pre-gym snack of carrots and hummus this evening in the living room, I happened to catch the beginning of Jeopardy- a show I have never made a habit of watching on purpose. Though I was motivated enough to go to the gym after working 8 hours today, I was too lazy to retrieve the TV remote from across my tiny Brooklyn living room, so I resolved myself to enduring 10 minutes of Alex Trebek and a band of evil, unattractive geniuses who’s personal anecdote is always something super lame like “I visited 3 continents on one birthday”.

The reason I avoid watching shows like Jeopardy is the same reason I avoid trivia games and cross word puzzles- they make me feel stupid. I mean, of course I am not an idiot. I do have a fairly impressive vocabulary, and a hella phat list of academic credentials including a juris doctorate degree, but let’s be honest. I treat the sort of information that usually comprises trivia questions the way I treat the contents of my refrigerator, and even my closet: Whatever doesn’t excite me at any given moment either gets tossed into the trash or left on the curb to be gobbled up by foraging others whose lives and interests differ vastly from my own. Long story short: I never know the answers to Jeopardy questions- NEVER!

But tonight, as I crunched away on my organic peeled baby carrots, I was astonished to discover that I was mumbling the correct answers to the questions under my breath as the stereo typical nerd-contestants, struggled, stumbled, and guessed. “Holy sh*t!”, I thought. Is this what happens when you turn 28? Have I finally reached the magic age where wisdom is bestowed upon me by generous angels who have, until this point, been holding my “useless information chip” in a lock box for safe keeping? I always knew wisdom came with age because my grandparents have always had a correct answer to any important question I have ever asked them. But is 28 measly years on this planet long enough to become adequately aged for wisdom?

As this apparent fluke started to repeat itself, my excitement grew, raising me to my feet to shout each correct answer (to which I had been attaching a “mutha f*cka” and a fist pump to remind those nerds who was boss). Then, just as quickly as my newfound confidence came, it left and a less-than thrilling alternative explanation for my wisdom became glaringly obvious. I had not become smarter in the subject matter of common quiz show questions. Jeopardy had been dumbed down (for lack of a better term) to accommodate the general American viewing public who, like myself, have become more well versed in entertainment and pop culture than physics and geography.

Should I be flattered and satisfied or offended and alarmed? Am I, as a representative of the average American, forcing classical intelligence to become uncouth? Relax, readers, my answer of course is a reassuring, “NO!” My argument, I have decided, is that to be well versed in common social behavior, in modern day art and entertainment, and meticulously aware of the behavior of our popular American culture is, I contend, a skilled science to be proud of!

How did I know what breed of dog is a small, principally white-bodied, smooth or rough-coated terrier that has its origins in fox hunting? Well, duuuhh…. from the picture that accompanied the question, I immediately recognized the dog as bearing a striking resemblance to Jack Jr., Mariah Carey’s canine companion, who I know, from countless celebrity news blurbs addressing the ironic moniker the singer has given her pup, to be a Jack Russell Terrier.

If I could bring celebrity news into a canine category, imagine the damage I did to the categories entitled “TV Sitcom Families” and “Words in the titles of Harry Potter Movies”! The result of my discovery tonight is reassuring indeed. Not only have I realized that my devotion to gossip and pop culture does actually bestow upon me a wide range of practical and useful information, but I’ve also become conscious of the fact that such subject matter is actually becoming an accepted and trivia-worthy body of knowledge to have a grasp on.

Yes, America, I am intelligent enough to watch Jeopardy, so read those gossip rags, flip on Access Hollywood, and take notes, and soon you will be too!