Take me back to the two handed cell phone!

Sure, we used to have a grand ol' time joking about technology. Remember when the worst it got was the fear that robots were breakin in at night to steal old people's medicine? Well I am legitimately afraid of the devil's iphone. What is it? A computer? Camera? Mp3 player? Cell phone? I like to keep things separate and simple. I use a phone to call people. A camera to take pictures, a computer to make friends....

With everything all rolled into one dangerously tiny device, I have to watch my back 24/7 in public. If I so much as scratch an itch in the wrong place, one evil person, with an index finger can make my dry skin malady into a full on internet scandal in seconds with something as covert and tiny as a pack of candy cigarettes. You KNOW people have taken your photo unwillingly on the subway. You can forget about running for office when those photos of you snuggling at 4am on the R train with the ugly guy from Irving Plaza surface. Yeah, thats right- scary!

For these reasons, and many more, I propose that we go back to the time when cell phones required two hands to hold, and everyone knew you were making a phone call because of that blood curdling screech made when you pressed each number key. While we're at it, lets make cameras all big and clunky so you can't hide them in your pants pocket. And lets leave the computers for NASA, shall we? We can fax jokes to each other at work, like the old days. Who's with me?

No one? Ok, well, enjoy your iphones, just make sure you warn me before you snap my photo, k? Enjoy this video of the first cell phone commercial below. A girl can dream anyway.