Reluctant to attend Bonnaroo?

Well, my friends have started a Facebook group for you! And I, as General Counsel and Resident Optimist have the following to say regarding your decision making process:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Metallica fans: If you're anything like me, and my hubris prevents me from drawing any other conclusion, then you have a powerful disdain for everything that a summer weekend in a Tennessee dirt field has to offer you. My plea to you all, however, is to throw caution to the wind and focus, not on the filth, heat, raw sewage, and potential wildlife that could crawl into your underpants while you sleep, but instead on the single overriding positive factor staring you in the face like a nosey grandmother wondering why you’re still single at 28: You are a drooling, maniacal music fan that will stop at nothing to get close to the musicians that you adore- to collect 1 droplet of sweat from a crooning man in his 40s, who holds in the back pocket of his corduroy pants, along with the status you've given him, what is left of your dignity and individuality. Suck it up, buy some Purel and baby wipes, and dust off your AMEX! We're headed to Bonnaroo.