The Devil Drinks Coffee..............

Today as I ventured out into the world to face this Veteran's Day Friday, a day that many have off from work, I was reminded of a line in a Limp Bizkit song entitled "Break Stuff", which I exerpt for you below...

"It's just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up
Everything is Fucked, everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify
Ripping someone's head off..."

(great song and I invite you to view the lyrics in their totality when you have the chance)

Anyway, after a minor mishap where I, like an idiot, tried to go to the post office which I not only lacked the exact location of and was forced to tool around in search of a building that did not exist, but also forgot was not open on Veteran's day (God forbid, someone else besides me has to go to work today!).......

So, Im already in a slightly agitated state, when I decide to walk the rest of the way to work, and stop to get my daily dose of heaven from my favorite spot: Dunkin Donuts. To my dismay, Heaven was absent from Dunkin Donuts today, and instead I had walked straight into Satan's Lair!

I opened the door to the place which I have come to know as a second home. A place filled with caffeine goodness in multiple flavors and muffins that are so delictable that they will make you slap your mamma! What I saw in place of the ordinary cheery staff and friendly local faces was more gruesome and horrible than anyone should dare to lay eyes and ears upon....The DEVIL had sent his spawn to MY DUNKIN DONUTS!

A long line had formed, and every human in line wore the same look of disgust, a look that I would don within mere seconds. At first I could not decipher the source of their emotion, until I heard it: The shrill cry of the Devil's own, speaking in tongues that could only be attributed to the feared enemy of God, and in a range of sound which elicits blood to pour from the ears of mortals when exposed for an extended period of time.....

The creatures were disguised as 3 older women, ranging in age from late 50s to late 60s, each of them screeching in a combination of mutilated English and the language of the damned, and shouting out commands to my beloved Dunkin Donuts staff......

I tried to cover my ears for fear of my soul being poisoned by their evilness, but I was able to descipher the following commands which I regretfully reproduce for you below:

"Is that MY crescent? You need to put that in the toaster again, if you are giving that to ME!"

then another chimed in,

"I want a regular coffee, Hazelnut, Lite, with half a sugar.....NO- HALF A SUGAR!", she gnashed through her teeth.

When the visibly shaken DD attendant started to ask what size the Devil wanted, her unholiness licked her fangs almost in agony revealing teeth that were extended to a menacing point and dripping with blood, shouting "REGULAAAAR!", as the poor employee stumbled over her words trying to tell the Devil that coffee comes in small, medium, and large.

None of us who looked on could expect what came next. As if totally unaware that the DD employee had been entering the purchases all along into the cash register encompassing all of the comands of the three Devil Dames, they blurted in unison:

"We want to pay separately!"

All of the mortals in the store turned their heads in fear and utter disbelief, some hunching over and clutching their anxiously beating hearts.

I think I blacked out at that point, because when I awoke, the store was vacant, save the debris and smears of blood left behind from the Devils as they evidently made their exit.

Be afraid my dear fellow coffee drinkers, for you too, may face the Devil, because the Devil does, in fact, drink coffee!