YOU’RE STUPID!This premise of this story is slightly ironic given the fact that the word “stupid” is one that I use, in jest, quite frequently. In fact, many of you know that I have a sweatshirt with the word “stupid” printed across the chest in large capital letters. I can often be heard saying such things as “That’s stupid” or “He’s stupid”. I will think twice, however, before I use that phrase again to call a person stupid.
She gives law a bad name. “She” is a local attorney, who has been retained by a person on the opposing side of a conflict in which my client is involved. My goal was to put in a polite phone call to “Her” this afternoon, and to let her know that our position is actually much less abrasive than both she and her client have interpreted it. My intention was to play peace maker, and try to simplify the situation for both sides by explaining that what we were asking of her client was actually far less complicated that they thought, and that we actually had no real point of contention between both sides. In fact, all we were asking was for cooperation in fulfilling Surrogate’s Court Requirements which are mandatory regardless of whether or not we wanted to fulfill them. If we didn’t ask, the court would have done it for us, so actually we had been doing a courtesy to her and her client up this point.
Well, I called “Her” and, very sweetly introduced myself, and attempted to explain that our previous correspondence had unfortunately been misinterpreted. Now, I am still wet behind the ears, so I have no business being anything but cordial, polite, and deferential to any seasoned professional, legal or otherwise. However, “She” did not give me the opportunity to successfully complete a string of 3 words let alone a complete sentence which would facilitate such politeness.
She immediately misrepresented everything that was in our previous correspondence to her, and when I tried to tell her that the thing which she was so upset about, wasn’t even our position, (which should make a normal person say something like “Oh. Really? Then I guess we don’t really have anything to squabble about after all”, SHE CALLED ME STUPID, told me she never wanted to speak to me again, and hung up the phone.
After a quick stroll around the block following the above occurrence I have become somewhat enlightened.
In case you cannot figure out for yourself what is wrong with “Her” reaction I will point it out to you now:
1.) This woman is not only overly litigious, but she is a complete lunatic. I was calling to tell “her” that “her” client could actually keep what she wanted because we didn’t mean to ask for it in the first place! However, “She” was too wrapped up in her own power trip to realize the simplicity of this fact.
2.) It is beyond unprofessional to call a fellow attorney “Stupid” whether it is a true statement or not. This is especially the case when you have had merely a 2 minute phone call on which to base your unfounded opinion.
a. Alternate phrases which I suggest:
“I do not believe your position has merit”
“I do not believe we see eye to eye on this matter”
“I am having trouble understanding the basis of your contention”
Any of the above would have been acceptable.
3.) It is bad form to insult a young, bright attorney because when you are old and decrepit, the young blood will have strength and agility, and will be able to squash you without batting an eyelash.
So, I would like to say to “Her” this and only this:
I am a great many things, Miss, and many of which are less than complimentary, but one thing I am not is stupid! I have come too far in life, have overcome too many obstacles, and have come out on top way too frequently in my short life to even entertain the possibility that any individual who takes the time or courtesy to speak with me, to hear what I say, and to actually listen, rather than indulging solely in the sound of their own voice, could ever rationally equate ME with the word Stupid. You, I am afraid, are what gives the legal profession a bad name, and I will spend the rest of my professional life, making you and those like you recognized as the simple, disrespectful, classless, poor excuses for attorneys that you are.
Oh, and
SUCK IT, ASSCLOWN!
